Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so let's talk penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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