My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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