My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
