her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were trust falling into bushes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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