im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
