just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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