I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
try to milk me bitch
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