Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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