My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
