I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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