Can i not drive my cunt home
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
