I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
only you would photoshop your dick
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
