i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you made out with another girl for some wings
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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