Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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