Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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