Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
