This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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