I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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