I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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