is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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