Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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