he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
