I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
