My liver just broke up with me...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
