I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
