someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
