Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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