Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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