I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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