Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize