I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize