bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
