I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
