you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
