first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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