if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
