just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
