i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
