Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
