nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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