I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize