my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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