My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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