I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize