Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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