he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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