But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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