why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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