Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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