New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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