I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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