What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
