I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I touched a dick in church today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
