Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
