are you so shy because you have an std?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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