just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
