he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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