The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
