I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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