Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
