I don't think brook has ever known best
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
